A part of me feel very VERY much doubt.

It almost seems like the only thing that touches my heart is artwork.

And it can move me in a variety of different ways.

From heartwarming feelings, to shock and awe, to sadness and self-loathing.

But...with so much going on its hard to really get a grasp on one's own surroundings.

You eat an apple and start to think of how someone else doesn't have an apple.

You think of how much of a chore it is to clean a shower but then you realize others don't have clean water.

You find yourself playing games and getting no enjoyment out of it.

Thats right...I'm not getting enjoyment from games as much anymore.

Something in my life doesn't feel....meaningful.

My sympathies go out to everyone who has been hurt.

Who suffer atrocities and injustices beyond that I cannot even comprehend.

And yet, the reality is....there isn't much that can be done about it.

But I am hopeful.

Perhaps I am dead wrong and I'm just feeling overwhelmed.

I can't keep thinking like that....I have to remain hopeful. That altruism and love will prevail.

For as large as the extent is for cruelty...so is the extent for kindness.

A good friend of mine once told me....

"Knowing and being aware is a burden and a gift. It can make your eyes feel like oceans and your chest, a raging sea. And as your chest weights down your eyes well up, until you can't bear to breath."

Even if we were to leave the chaos and explore someplace nicer...my thoughts will still go back to those who are still hating, hurting, and suffering.

I just want...ugh...sometimes I just wish we could just 'will' things of our desire.

But wouldn't that create more chaos? If people could just do what they want just because they want to?

Must we abide by the laws of physics and human societies and instincts forever?

Or will we grow beyond that eventually?

And self-expression through artwork could extend in a variety of different forms.

Just....stare off into space some more.....clear my head.

Damn it's windy tonight.

Sometimes I'll just listen to this for a good twenty minutes on a loop.